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Showing posts with label poetry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label poetry. Show all posts

Sunday, June 26, 2011

"Love-Hate Relationship" or "A Soiled Prayer"



When I was seven, God,
I was told to believe
And never be afraid,
For your invisible hand
Would set things right.
But if it didn't
(And here's the dodgy part)
It'd be your infinite wisdom,
After all; and I was clearly unfit,
Too ignorant, like the rest of us,
To comprehend the bigger picture.

My feeble seven-year-old intellect
Stubborn, headstrong, refused to conform
And thus I became an atheist.
Impressed with angst?
Seduced by rebellion?
Swayed by logic? (or lack thereof?)
I cannot say for sure.

For a dozen years or so,
I relished making my parents cringe
And shredding to bits
The arguments of my devout friends.
It wasn't their faith which was to blame,
I assure you, Lord, it was my tongue,
My acid tongue, which true to its name
Spewed forth venomous bile
In the guise of high rhetoric.
But as you know,
At eighteen, one lives a thousand lives
And a thousand times does one die;
Elevating the mundane,
Debunking the profound
At the drop of a hat.

In my thousand-and-first avatar,
I, inebriated, desolate, disjoint,
Declared to the heavens
The following blasphemous words,
"Why do you torture me so?
If you're real, make your presence felt!
I've been pining away in vain,
Not a sign of my beloved yet,
And I've been wasting away for so long...
Surely, surely this is a garden-variety miracle
For a divine old fart such as yourself!"

As it so happened, you obliged
And I was united with my apparition in red.
It was on a lark that I stopped believeing
And on a lark did I believe again.
I know I'm not supposed to summon you
Think of you as a last resort.
In fact, truth be told, your way
Is to renounce desire altogether
Or something like that.
Forgive me, I've been born again
Not too long ago.

But how do you explain
My return to your flock
In the wake of my failures
On the trail of my defeats
And with the stench of insincerity
Still bearing down heavily...
I believe I love you,
Most days when I wake up.
My prayer, however, isn't pure.
And I'm convinced, now,
That every prayer is equally soiled, equally defiled.
There are no holy cows, among
The mad cattle rush of pilgrims,
The frenzied faithful, who now
Call me one of their own.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

The Bohemian Anthem

(While I generally take a more calculating, measured approach while writing prose, poetry is an excuse to let my hair down, so to speak. Whether it's my fondness for the great comedic poets like Ogden Nash, or Franklin Pierce Adams, or my general laziness, I'm not sure, but I'm generally more freewheeling when I'm writing poems. This one, for example was scribbled down when I was watching a yawn-inducing football match between Portugal and Brazil)


None can resist the call of the wild,
Good sense, logic and forethought, begone!
In each of us resides the Devil's child
Who bays and snarls till the crack of dawn.

You may walk the straight and narrow path,
("God bless" you say when you see me sneeze)
Fearful of incurring the Lord's wrath
Afraid of doing as you please.

Be warned though, it'll catch up with you
That imp of the perverse
Bearer of mischief, anarchy or just the truth
For better or for worse.

Best be rid then, of doubt and guilt,
That vicious pair, cursing, spitting bile
Give in to yourself, (just hear me out)
Because you know resistance is futile.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Karna's metamorphosis

Yesterday, I read a whole bunch of poems by Indian authors via links on The Middle Stage, author Chandrahas Choudhury's excellent blog. One of them, "Moult" by Gieve Patel, really captured my imagination. Before you continue to read this article, here's the poem itself:


Moult


The sodden dripping weight which he moulted

and offered to the god who received it

in cupped hands—was it skin

really, or rather something amphibious,

half metallic scales, half mutely screaming

integument smelling of fish, while

flayed Karna shivered from a cold

he had never thought to endure, shivered

animal-like, a mere beast

prepared for the cooking pot;

and walked to the battlefield certain

to be pierced by the first lance

aimed at him. But the burden!

Amazingly it had lifted,

and might it not be one’s heart’s desire fulfilled

to die unrehearsed of lightness.




For the uninitiated, the incident from the Mahabharata being described here goes something like this: Before the battle of Kurukshetra started, Lord Indra, the king of the gods, and father of Arjuna, the mightiest of the Pandavas, started getting worried about the possible threat to his son's life, if he faced Karna. Now Karna, the son of the Sun-god, had been born with an armour (kavacha) and earrings (kundala) which were blessed by his father. These made him practically invincible. Indra, therefore planned to cash in on Karna's famed philanthropy (he had earned the epithet of daanveer, or the one who gave generously) by simply disguising himself as an old Brahmin and asking Karna for his armour. The Sun-god knew of Indra's intentions and was quick to warn Karna, but Karna, being the man that he was, obliged Indra, anyway, when the moment came. (Although not described in this particular poem, Indra was so impressed by Karna's gesture that he granted him a boon, upon which Karna asked for an amogh shakti, an unbeatable weapon.)

Now, the very first reason that this poem is fascinating is its basic premise: that what Karna gave away that day was quite literally, a part of his body. Note the use of words like "sodden" and "dripping" from the outset, to lend it an almost organic air. Every single edition of the Mahabharata I've ever read has coyly suggested this, cloaking it under various metaphorical blankets. The most common of these versions insists that the reason why Karna was so weakened and vulnerable after this act was that "the armour, on account of having been worn for so many years (Karna would never take it off) had stuck to his body, like a second skin."

What if it was literally a second skin?

Consider this: Karna and the five Pandavas were all born in the same way: Kunti would use a special mantra to summon any god she wanted to, and said God would then yield Kunti a son. The twins Nakula and Sahadeva were born when Kunti passed on the mantra to Madri. Why then, was Karna the only one abandoned? According to the Mahabharata, Kunti was terrified when the mantra worked for the first time, and plus, she was a maiden and not married. But the Karna-as-mutant theory would definitely explain this irregularity better: because Karna was the only one externally marked by the god's divinity, because he was the only one who you could look at and tell that this child was not a mere human; Kunti, afraid of social ostracism, and perhaps more than a little personal disgust, abandoned him. Was this another of the infamous "revisions" done to the Mahabharata done to make certain situations and characters look more "decent" or "human"? (The late Irawati Karve's magisterial book of essays on the Mahabharata, "Yuganta" abounds with examples of such possible "revisions")

The poem then continues to describe Karna as "flayed" while he "shivered with a cold/ he had never thought to endure" which clearly suggests that this is as unexpected and as brutal to Karna, as losing a limb would be to any of us. Patel, however, is not done yet, and he says that after this selfless act, Karna "shivered animal-like, a mere beast prepared for the cooking pot." The straightforward iterpretation of these lines is that the now-vulnerable Karna would be easily defeated and killed on the battefield. However, I think Patel has used both "animal" and "beast" to suggest that Karna, after shedding the elements which made him a mutant or a semi-divine entity, is now finally human, a "mere beast", so to speak. Referencing "Yuganta" once again, the author Irawati Karve argues that the central tragedy in Karna's life was his inner dilemma "Who am I?". According to the Mahabharata, Karna, a Kshatriya (the warrior-caste) by birth, was raised by a Suta (charioteer) family, and his foster parents had told him that they were not his biological parents, and that he had been found with a Kshatriya-like armour strapped on to his body.

It was because of this dilemma of Karna's that he found his judgement impaired, all-too often in crunch situations. Like Drauapdi's swayamvara, where he was berated for being lowborn, and he was not allowed to take part in the challenge. (This, by the way, is another one of the "revisions" I was talking about. This has been omitted in later versions of the Mahabharata.) "Yuganta" also says that this dilemma culminated in the final momets of Karna's life, when he was busy getting his chariot wheel out of the mud, and urged Arjuna to stop fighting until he had done so, calling upon the Kshatriya's code, a set of ethical war practices. But the omniscient Krishna, pointed out that Karna had not followed the same when he dishonoured Draupadi or when he took part in the unfair slaughter of Abhimanyu; and instigated Arjuna to kill the temporarily defenseless Karna. Karna died wondering "Who Am I?"

The caste-identity crisis which the Mahabharata wants us to believe, is an old one, and seems rather too simplistic for the otherwise complex and fascinating character of Karna. But if Karna was really confused about the infinitely more frightening and perplexing question of his humanity, I think it would make a lot more sense.

Patel acknowledges explicitly, towards the end of the poem that Karna is now destined to be killed swiftly in the battle. But then, he suggests something truly marvellous: consider the parting shot with which Patel leaves us

"But the burden!

Amazingly it had lifted,

and might it not be one’s heart’s desire fulfilled

to die unrehearsed of lightness."


Is he hinting that Karna deliberately cut off his "second skin" in order to settle, once and for all, the question of his humanity, or lack thereof? It would certainly seem so, as the last two lines suggest. I would definitely want Karna to finally take control of his identity and his destiny, even if his actions led to speedy and inevitable destruction. I think, if this were indeed the case, then Karna, after his metamorphosis, died what Albert Camus called "a happy death" .

Thursday, November 5, 2009

I


I
I wasn't brought up with a silver spoon
I knew I would strike gold on my own
I never asked anyone to break my fall
I knew one day I would soar above them all
I did not fall in with the crowd
I knew they would turn to me in the end
I was asked to wear faces like masks
I knew I had to look in the mirror someday
I was asked to fall in line more than once
I knew exactly where that line ended
I was told about caution and prudence
I chose integrity and passion
I was expected to wither, to crash and burn
I was sorry to disappoint them
I am everything I could be
I choose to be everything I can be
Today is the first day
Of the rest of my life.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

BREAKING NEWS


Thick with the smell of newsprint,

Of headlines,both banal and profound,

The morning air brings news to me,

Of towers razed to the ground....


Of starlets,leaders and sportsmen,

Folk you'll hear of now and then.

Every move they make will spawn news,

Opinions,analysis,expert views.


Warily,I start,"In times of yore...

"The journos snap,"Don't be a bore!

Aren't you familiar with the latest courses?

Honey,it's all about market forces!"


"Information,what's that worth?"

Newspaper editors laugh sans mirth.

"As for the truth,it's what we tell them,

All that matters is what we sell them!"


Muckraking and tattle-tale

Double standards rarely fail.

"What!"(they shout),"You ask for proof?!

Just watch those sales hitting the roof."


So,I have an announcement solemn,

I place this piece in the obit column.

Journalism succumbs to its woes,

And that,my friend,is breaking news.


This is an old poem of mine which I am posting here....this way,at least,it won't get lost in the

gigantic labyrinth of rubbish that masquerades as my room.

Cheers

AMJ

Monday, March 10, 2008

THE SAVIOUR


You came to life from the throes of a dream,

And wiped the tears off my face.

Like the healing touch of a holy stream,

You washed away the devil's trace.


Your smile lit up my dreary days,

And rescued me from the depths of hell.

Gone forever were the wayward ways,

But for you.....I wouldn't live to tell.


Nothing can replace the touch of your hand,

Like the gentle breeze running through my hair.

Or the way you used to make me laugh,

When the chips were down,when life wasn't fair.


Oh! To feel that sweet caress again....

I would readily cross the seven seas.

Spare me the suffering and the pain,

My destiny has brought me to my knees.


And what am I without you now?

Less alive than the faintest ghost.

I have loved and lost,and I don't know how

To bring back that which I loved the most.





I continue to post poems......in many ways this blog is turning into my stress-buster......a sort of a purgatory.

Lots of love......

AMJ



Friday, March 7, 2008

LONELINESS/A SOLITARY RANT




The sound of silence is deafening,



No matter how hard you cup your ears.



When painted demons sing a song



Of your darkest days,your deepest fears.






When you sit for hours at end,



Just staring at your shoes.



Hell,you need someone to listen



Even when you sing away the blues.






When Dylan,too,gets hoarse



After a while,fading in the darkness.



Like the rest of them,of course,



Lingering in their own solitude.






"How does it feel...?",he asks me



Two lonely souls,Bob and I.



Existence is the name of the game



And Life is the prize.....



-AMJ









This short verse is the first of its kind on this blog.I am indebted to the mesmerizing music of Bob Dylan,not just for this poem,but also for being a constant source of support and strength.......he has something for every mood!Cheers!
AMJ